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a simple guide to conquest

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Post by Jolty the Jolteon on Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:05 pm

Hi guys. It's me, critically acclaimed professor of Pokemon Roleplay here to explain why Conquest is (and always will be) the best roleplay. For starters, in Conquest you don't even have to roleplay! Now you might say that that's a little contradictory but let me tell you, it really isn't. You see, by not roleplaying in Conquest, you're still technically roleplaying just because you're in the roleplay. You have a role that you are playing, whether that be a knight, a warlord, or a wanderer (who the fuck willingly becomes a wanderer though lol.)

Like for real, all the hate Conquest gets is really unneeded. I think it comes from people with tiny microscopic brains complaining about a roleplay they hate. You see, that's the problem with today's roleplayers! They only want freeroam. Well, back in my day Freeroam was called Wildlife+Trainer. Get it right. People would rather actually ROLEPLAY in freeroam where you're more likely to get hit by eggs than I am to fuck (and trust me, i fuck. lots. i tell all the girls that i'm a roleplaying room connoisseur and they just pile on top of me. it's crazy! there was this one chick who literally wouldn't let me go after i told her about my guides to pokemon roleplaying.)

Anyway. For all those people out there who hate Conquest, you're all filthy, washed up whores who need to go to school. Imbeciles. And PokeHigh doesn't count!! That's another trash roleplay. Imagine going to SCHOOL in a roleplay! Don't people hate that nowadays?? It's ridiculous. Honestly. Wouldn't you rather make little kids cry as you hunt the shit out of them because of their weaknesses? It's bullshit how people like any other roleplay than Conquest.

By the way, in case you were wondering... No, I haven't been talking about Fire Emblem Fates: Conquest. That's a garbage game with NO WEAKNESS HUNTING. I'm NOT about it.

God. The only bad thing about Conquest is all the bans! You can't use some of the best Pokemon. Like what the frick? Personally, again, I believe it's because the staff have small monkey brains that can't appreciate a good, unbalanced roleplay. I mean, I guess it isn't their fault. I mean... To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Conquest. The roleplay is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the rules and strategies will go over a typical roleplayer's head. There's also the wanderers, which are deftly woven into this roleplay's characterization- their personal philosophy of not choosing a kingdom draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. True Conquest fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these aspects, to realise that they're not just a roleplay- it has meanings deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Conquest truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the difficulty in the phrase "Quit weakness hunting me," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Arti "Roleplaying Owner" Cuno's genius roleplay unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools.. how I pity them. 😂

And yes, by the way, i DO have a Pokemon Roleplaying Room Conquest Roleplay tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid 😎
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Post by Fraction on Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:54 am

No FUCKING NONONONONO BULLSHIT. That's BULLSHIT! She literally built a team specifically to counter mine and went on a weakness hunt. There's NO FUCKING WAY. Host, HOST!!! Get the host here STRAIGHT UP! Get a fuckin-! There's no way this is- nonononono. She 100% built a tea- "I played it for roleplaying reasons, no lie?" BULLSHIT!!! Fuck off dude. Fuck off! This is the DUMBEST shit. Nonononono. Okay this one-! Nahh this is stupid. This is stupid. This is so stupid... Nananananana. "Frac, bro, I love you but I don't think you have much of a case here-"? DUDE!! SHE LITERALLY WEAKNESS HUNTED ME WITH MARSHADOW!!!
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Post by Fraction on Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:55 am

Jolty the Jolteon wrote:Hi guys. It's me, critically acclaimed professor of Pokemon Roleplay here to explain why Conquest is (and always will be) the best roleplay. For starters, in Conquest you don't even have to roleplay! Now you might say that that's a little contradictory but let me tell you, it really isn't. You see, by not roleplaying in Conquest, you're still technically roleplaying just because you're in the roleplay. You have a role that you are playing, whether that be a knight, a warlord, or a wanderer (who the fuck willingly becomes a wanderer though lol.)

Like for real, all the hate Conquest gets is really unneeded. I think it comes from people with tiny microscopic brains complaining about a roleplay they hate. You see, that's the problem with today's roleplayers! They only want freeroam. Well, back in my day Freeroam was called Wildlife+Trainer. Get it right. People would rather actually ROLEPLAY in freeroam where you're more likely to get hit by eggs than I am to fuck (and trust me, i fuck. lots. i tell all the girls that i'm a roleplaying room connoisseur and they just pile on top of me. it's crazy! there was this one chick who literally wouldn't let me go after i told her about my guides to pokemon roleplaying.)

Anyway. For all those people out there who hate Conquest, you're all filthy, washed up whores who need to go to school. Imbeciles. And PokeHigh doesn't count!! That's another trash roleplay. Imagine going to SCHOOL in a roleplay! Don't people hate that nowadays?? It's ridiculous. Honestly. Wouldn't you rather make little kids cry as you hunt the shit out of them because of their weaknesses? It's bullshit how people like any other roleplay than Conquest.

By the way, in case you were wondering... No, I haven't been talking about Fire Emblem Fates: Conquest. That's a garbage game with NO WEAKNESS HUNTING. I'm NOT about it.

God. The only bad thing about Conquest is all the bans! You can't use some of the best Pokemon. Like what the frick? Personally, again, I believe it's because the staff have small monkey brains that can't appreciate a good, unbalanced roleplay. I mean, I guess it isn't their fault. I mean... To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Conquest. The roleplay is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the rules and strategies will go over a typical roleplayer's head. There's also the wanderers, which are deftly woven into this roleplay's characterization- their personal philosophy of not choosing a kingdom draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. True Conquest fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these aspects, to realise that they're not just a roleplay- it has meanings deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Conquest truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the difficulty in the phrase "Quit weakness hunting me," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Arti "Roleplaying Owner" Cuno's genius roleplay unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools.. how I pity them. 😂

And yes, by the way, i DO have a Pokemon Roleplaying Room Conquest Roleplay tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid 😎
also CQ is the best thing that ever happened to RP, every other opinion is garbage
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Post by Vlazzah on Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:59 am

if you died to a weakness hunt then it means your team was garbage, learn to teambuild kid

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Post by Jolty the Jolteon on Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:59 am

yeah exactly (get rekt kiddo)
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